reader appology

sorry to those who might be reading.

as time passes, my feeling grows stronger that what i begin each waking day with, my operable consciousness, is not simply determined by the cells, and the chemistry and physics that models them in my brain and the previous day’s experiences.

i really feel that there may be other influences.  maybe a guiding hand.  or at least a nother source of experience.

i would consciously force my way into the not-conscious on a regular basis, but to be honest the prospect leaves me a bit worried…

i believe that the not-conscious is a realm that is occupied every night by every living being with a brain. very little it seems consciously to me seeps into morning consciousness from a night’s dreaming, even less can be recalled about my dreams at the end of any given day.  i suggest that the not-conscious takes a center stage whenever consciousness takes a nap.  i feel that the ancient body systems are carried along by the not-conscious mind.

it seems to me that the not-conscious mind never naps so long as there is a heartbeat.


if the heart is beating, then the brain is aware.  what else produces the heartbeat??

what else is it aware of of is the mystery to me,  or influenced by??

ive been consciously beyond that bizarre threshold.  im a bit scared because the balance seems so delicate.  the deep mammalian of me has so far prevailed and as such ive been redeemed upon waking.  i love those around me too much to risk dis-influence and/or disappearance to want to continue to explore.  (i guess im afraid of the choice).

i think i might lean towards the blue pill.  my individual disruption i believe risks a more whole disruption.

it has been made clear to me i think that the perpetuation of the human race is dependent upon the continuation of the separation of awake and asleep consciousnesses.  the conscious and not-conscious.

does the previous arise from the former?  is the big mystery to me.


About Charles

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